No Excuses

I had an interaction with someone this week who seemed intent on blaming their lack of success in a particular endeavor on other parties.  This person figured that if they just changed their circumstances, they would be better off.  As we talked,  it turned out that they had not done any preparation, didn’t practice, didn’t do any homework,  had missed a few lessons on what they were trying to learn, and really didn’t have much time to change any of this.  They asked me what I thought they should do.

I told this person the same thing I would tell myself – don’t blame other people for your lack of progress.  Unless and until you have done all that you can do, changing your circumstances will only bring you the exact same results you are experiencing now.  Do all that you can do, but be realistic about how much time you have and how important this goal really is.  Making progress in anything is a process.  There are no shortcuts, no miracles, no pills, and no spells that can replace hard work, a good attitude, and persistence.
So, before you embark on any kind of expensive or time-consuming change of circumstances, ask yourself the following questions:

1)      If my circumstances were to never change, what qualities would I have to develop to still be happy?
2)      What can I do now to get as close as possible to the life I want, right here and right now?
3)      If I believed that my discontent/lack of success/etc. were all my fault, what could I do today to turn things around (hint: when YOU change, people’s response to you and, thus, your circumstances, tend to change also).

So, for all of us experiencing challenges of various sorts, let’s avoid the blame game.  It’s important to have certain trusted people to confide in.  But let’s do a 95/5 split – 95% of the time spent in gratitude, affirming the truth about our value, our gifts, and our potential; and 5% of the time spent venting about what frustrates us about our lives – so  we can get it off our chest and move on towards solutions.

Besides - as long as we’re breathing, the game is still on.  There is always something we can do to improve our circumstances - if we believe we can do it and are willing to work for it.

Speaking of work, in my work I have been experimenting with different mediums - mainly pen and ink and watercolor.  I checked out the following books from the library and have gotten a lot out of them so far: Rendering In Pen and Ink by Arthur Guptill and Exploring Drawing for Animation by Kevin Hedgpeth & Stephen Missal.  And my watercolor class had a field trip to a live demo by artist Jeanne Hyland.  She did a lovely portrait, live, for us and had many items for sale.  I have really enjoyed indulging the child in me by playing with new mediums!

Have a great week of moving towards the life you want – no excuses!

Peace and love and, as always, go follow your bliss…

Priorities, Priorities, Priorities...

I have heard it said that if you want to know what someone's priorities are, look at how they spend their time and money.  We all say certain things are our priority because it sounds good - but the proof is in the numbers.

There is no condemnation in this, of course.  Most people spend at least 8 hours a day working, not necessarily because their job is a priority, but because eating is.  And people often spend more money than they should when they are deeply unhappy.  Nevertheless, to avoid sleepwalking through life, wandering about in an endless rut until death, we must learn to be mindful of how we spend our time and our money.  We must also become mindful of who we spend time with and what we choose to talk about.

Have you ever seen someone who is doing quite well in life, happy and reasonably successful - then one day they meet someone, or some group, and the next thing you know they are struggling?  It could be an ill-advised but convenient relationship, a toxic friendship, or a draining coworker.  These people can seduce us into wasting enormous amounts of time or talking about negative things that drag us down and prevent us from becoming our best selves.  We end up spending our time and money doing things that do not support our evolution and impact on the world.  We cannot blame these individuals, however, the responsibility is ours.

So, what can we do when we realize we have to cut someone off whose contribution to our lives is consistently negative:
1) Prayerfully consider our motives to make sure we are limiting contact for the right reasons.  For instance if you are just mad at them or jealous of them, don't pretend it's something else.  Own up to it.  When the need is legit, the normal emotion is regret.  However, you cannot let pity or guilt trick you into keeping the wrong people in your life.  You are doing a disservice to yourself and to them.  You can still be kind and cordial, just from a safe distance...

2) If the relationship is significant, give them an opportunity to change.  Only do this if it is a very significant relationship such as a spouse or close family member.  Be honest with them - that you no longer feel you have anything in common.  Let them know what you would like to see your relationship become.  Listen to them to see if you have misunderstood something or can support them in some specific way.  Perhaps there are ways you can both grow together without severing ties.  This is a last-ditch effort - and it will become apparent pretty quickly if they are open to this or not.

3)  If you have given them every opportunity and all you can see is consistent negativity such as backbiting, cruelty, gossip, sabotage, drama, disregard for your feelings or well-being, etc., prayerfully allow this person to continue along their path without you.  To keep going along with something you know is wrong and that hinders your peace and progress is to be disloyal to yourself.  You cannot be your best self in this world if you give away your power in foolish ways.  You are also enabling the toxic person to continue on in their negative habits.

Many people mistake spirituality for being a doormat.  This is not the example of any of the avatars in history.   All of them were non-violent people but none of them were doormats.  Let's follow their example and stand in our truth with full integrity.

Have a wonderful week and follow your bliss...