Why You Shouldn't Feel Bad If You're Single

I have been thinking a lot about coupledom lately for a few reasons.  For one, marriage equality has been at the top of the headlines lately.  Another reason is the approach of the 4^th of July.  I used to love to go out on that holiday but after having several years of very bad dates on that day, I have come to dread it.  The third reason relationships have been on my mind is the fact that I had an extensive conversation with a friend on the subject of love and relationships, which brought several issues to the forefront.

It made me think about the following questions: a) do I want to be in a relationship? (b) if so, what kind and with what type of person? And (c) what do I think about relationships in general?  These questions will keep me occupied for a while, but in the meantime I began to pay closer attention to the relationships of the people around me.  It is hard to judge the quality of people's relationships sometimes, especially from Facebook because people tend to only brag about the good stuff.  So, since I’m not in a relationship right now, I started thinking about all the reasons why I am happy to be single:

1)      I can move wherever I want (out of state, out of the country, etc) without anyone’s permission or approval.
2)      Money never “disappears”; if I haven’t spent it, it’s still there in the bank.
3)      When I am tired and not “in the mood”, I just go to sleep.  I don't have to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings or getting cheated on.   I don't  have to force myself to go through the motions in order to avoid an argument. (and when I am in the mood, it's 100% satisfaction every time).
4)      I can wear whatever I want.
5)      I can cut my hair off or leave it long – it’s totally up to me.
6)      When I am in church services I get to pay attention, focus, and absorb the total experience without distraction.
7)      I don’t have to dumb myself down or fake incompetence in order to preserve someone else’s ego.
8)      I don’t have to limit my dreams to accommodate someone else’s expectations of me.
9)      I can flirt just for fun without guilt or repercussions.
10)  I can still entertain silly, romantic notions about “the one” because I haven’t met him yet.

From a man's perspective:
1) Getting to keep all your money and not waste it on dates that go nowhere.
2) Not feeling like you have to earn a certain amount of money to keep up with someone's expectations or spending habits.
3) Not having to justify going out with your friends on a weekday or for a long weekend.
4) Being able to leave when you're ready to go instead of waiting around for someone else.
5) Not having to feel guilty for so much of what you say, do, and think
6) No pressure to outline the future in detail.
7) Sexual variety
8) Focusing on things that are deeply important to you: work, spirituality, school, etc., without being made to feel guilty
9) Watching movies and television without interruption
10) Getting to entertain silly, romantic notions about "the one" because you haven't met her yet.

This is not to disparage anyone who is in a relationship.  I hope all my readers have happy, fulfilling relationships that bring you many years of joy.  However, with our culture’s emphasis on romantic love, this is a reminder that it’s not always what it’s cracked up to be.

Whether you’re married or single or something in between, ultimately you are a unique expression of the Divine.  Your first allegiance should be to the evolution of your own soul - and being a blessing to everyone around you.  Then you will know true Joy, regardless of your relationship status.

And don’t forget to follow your bliss!  Peace and love.

Maintaining Creativity - Post Art School

When I first began art school two years ago, I had so many trepidations.  I didn’t know if, as an older learner, I would  have trouble learning something so totally different from what I had done before.  I didn’t know if I would measure up to my classmates, especially those who had done art their whole lives.  And I had no idea what to expect.

Now that it’s over, I am navigating post art-school life as a civilian. I feel that I’m in the intermediate stage as an artist.  I am no longer a beginner but I am not yet advanced.  My sketch-book work lately is a lot more focused on shoring up my weaknesses.  I’ve been focusing on portraits – various head angles, ears, noses, etc.  And I start a new job on Monday, an office (day) job to support my art, which was an important first step for my post-art-school-life.

So, life after art school is looking pretty much like I expected it to look.  I’m interning in a gallery, practicing and improving my art, and working a day job.  But I had been starting to feel as if I was going through the motions. I wasn’t feeling particularly inspired by anything and I couldn’t figure out what I wanted my next body of work to focus on.  I was feeling blocked.  Then I remembered Julia Cameron.

Julia Cameron is the author of The Artist’s Way, and many other books on the subject of "recovering" as an artist, rediscovering one's latent creativity.  This book was absolutely indispensable to me when I first started art school.  Julia helped me weather critiques and develop art that came from my soul, rather than art that was designed to please professors or impress classmates.  I consider her my first art teacher, and I will always read and re-read that book for the rest of my life.

Julia’s two main recommendations are to write “morning pages” and to take yourself out on “artist’s dates”.  Morning pages are 3 pages that are written in the morning, kind of like a journal, to download your thoughts and clear your mind.  You can write about anything and everything, whatever comes to mind.  You don’t worry about what it sounds like, grammar, etc. and it is unnecessary to even read them over.  The artist’s dates are solo trips designed to inspire.  These dates are important and should be scheduled once a week.  You can do anything you think might spark your sense of play, and stoke the creative fire within.  I have done things like go to the toy store, buy stickers and markers and scribble like a child, go to a museum, etc.

This afternoon my artist date was a trip to the craft store.  Fine artists sometimes turn their little noses up at “crafts”, but this is silly.  When we were children, everything was a potential art project – coloring books, walls, empty boxes; everything was a potential canvas.  Children are fearless, innovative, and bold.  They don’t get creative blocks.  If no one is around, they create tea parties with their stuffed animals, build towering forts out of newspapers, and slay dragons that only they can see.  These are the true artists.

As adults, we have to make an effort to maintain that spirit.  It is very possible, but it requires us to silence our inner critic and embrace our inner child.  Our creativity is like a secret hidden lake that only we know about.  If we don’t take care of this secret lake, it’ll get grown over and disappear.  But if we take care of it and use it regularly, we get to play in it for the rest of our lives.

So my advice to all artists is to never grow up.  Yes, pay your bills.  Yes, be responsible.  Yes, be an adult – but don’t ever grow up.  Don’t try to makes sense of everything that happens.  Don’t try to do everything perfectly.  Don’t plan so extensively that you never actually do anything.  And, most importantly…
Follow your bliss!  Always.

If you haven't done so yet, please join me on Facebook.  Below is my latest work in progress - in the very beginning stages.  It will eventually be an abstract sculpture made out of random materials around the house.  I hope to finish it within a week or two...

Searching For My Niche in the Art World

Last week I finished 2 years at El Camino College and now have an Associate's degree in Studio Art.  So this week has been all about finding my place in the art world.     The question is - now what?

Well, a couple of weeks ago I volunteered for the Redondo Beach Art Group and this past week I volunteered at Torrance Art Museum.  The opening for the current exhibition - Baker’s Dozen V: Marginal Revolutions - was last night.  It was a very liberal exhibition in a pretty conservative area.

In one piece, the artist mixed and matched photos from Abu Ghraib with other artistic elements and turned them into beautiful digital art pieces.  You could still detect a whiff of the suffering of the detainees, though - which was both disturbing and very well done.  Another piece compiled digital photos depicting the effects of globalization.  As part of that display, the artist put together a book of survey results where responders briefly stated what globalization meant for them - good or bad.  Another piece, one of my favorites, was a 7-man seesaw with Margarita mix dispensed from the center.  My absolute favorite was a painting depicting two world maps – one "left-wing" and the other "right-wing".  The “Right” map had the USA in the center, which was hilarious.  All over the continents and states were written words from the right-wing perspective. For instance, on California were written things like “liberals” and “Hollywood Jews”.  Other states fared much worse.  The "Left" world had references to global warming , “too many guns”, and Yoga written over certain states.  The piece was very inflammatory, funny, and outstanding.

But it was clear that not everyone agreed.  As a counter-balance to all this lovely lefty artsy stuff was the exhibit I helped set up.  The artist had this wonderful idea to create an interactive space where people could show up and discuss different aspects of the Constitution.  She gave out free copies of the Constitution and buttons with the words “Patriot” on them.  To kick it off, a chorale came in and sang some good old American hymns like the Star Spangled Banner and The Battle Hymn of the Republic, among other things.  They did a great job.  Some people were into it; others were not.

Which brings me to my dilemma:  where do I fit in, in this crazy art world?  I am a strong lefty but not a radical.  I am politically progressive but I live in a fairly conservative neighborhood.  I prefer provocative, inflammatory, thought-provoking art, but conservatives tend to like safe, beautiful representational art (which I can do, but it doesn’t thrill me).

There is also the issue of race.  The South Bay is largely white and conservative.  To make my point, I must share a funny story from the opening.  At one point I wanted to read the little writing on the Left World vs. Right World paintings but 2 older ladies (not friends, just 2 different attendees) were standing in front of the Right World section reading it.  I waited and waited for one or both of them to finish so I could get a look at it.  Finally I could wait no longer. I strongly suspected that if I walked up to the painting, they would feel “uncomfortable” and leave.  Sure enough, the minute I walked up, both of them and several other people left.  Suddenly I was alone, in front of the painting, able to read it in peace.  Although I found it amusing, it is also sad that people are so pathetic and predictable, but racism is like that.  It makes people act in silly ways that are, frankly, beneath them.

Anyway, bigoted people aside, the real question is where do I WANT to fit in?  I will probably always be a bleeding-heart liberal.    I might not always ride a motorcycle but I will probably always be optimistic, inappropriate, and longing for the next adventure.  I have never had a conventional life and I don’t want one.
So where does that leave me?  The jury is still out since it has only been a week.  But my guess is that my market is in the city of Los Angeles, not its outskirts.  The only problem is that that is where the stiffest competition lies.  But, bring it on, baby!  I have never run from a challenge so why start now?  The process of finding my niche is proving to be almost as interesting as doing the work itself!

May we all find “our people” and the place where we can best plant ourselves and bloom.  Have a wonderful week and, as always…

Follow your bliss…

16"X14" charcoal and graphite on paper

Last Week of Art School

This past week was my final one at El Camino College.  It was a life-changing experience for which I am so grateful.  I sacrificed a great deal in order to complete my studio art degree – namely living on a couch in my mother and uncle’s apartment and enduring an untold number of challenges
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Nevertheless, I am proud of the artist I have become.  I started with almost no skills and grew to the point where I was accepted into more than one bachelor’s degree program.  However, I decided not to pursue a third bachelor’s.  I am content with my existing Bachelor’s degrees in English lit and Metaphysics, and my Associates degree in Studio Art.  I look forward to increasing and integrating my skill sets through continued classes, workshops, and practice.  And I look forward to continuing to grow as an individual.  My ultimate goal is to live a life of deep meaning and impact – to be a beneficial presence on the planet in every sense of that word.

I am grateful for all of you readers who are taking this journey with me.  I hope you’ll hold me accountable to my highest aspirations, ask me questions if you like, and make a difference in your own communities.
And most importantly – follow your bliss!

Following is a video of my oldest son performing in his school’s talent show,  and below that is my work from the final week of school.  Peace and blessings!

YouTube Video

The First Time

The first time I felt “black” was in kindergarten when I noticed that the children with white skin were treated better than the children with darker skin.  The first time I felt like a woman was in high school when a classmate told me I had a nice body.  The first time I felt like an adult was when I wrote my first check in college.  The first time I felt like a mother was in the delivery room when I first fed my little one.  I looked into his eyes and knew I was needed on the planet.  And the first time I felt like an artist was Wednesday night when I received a letter accepting my application to exhibit in the Schauerman library on the El Camino College campus.

This was the first time I had ever been accepted to show my work without having any kind of “in”.  While technically my first exhibition was in the student show, where I had one piece shown, “The Unborn”, that was a teacher-recommended show.  The applicant pool for the Library, on the other hand, was open to any artist (students, faculty, and community) and I had no connection to the decision-maker.  I just submitted my materials and, quite frankly, expected a rejection letter.

In fact, when I started reading the letter, it began with such formal language: “Thank you for submitting your application…”, that I just skimmed it, looking for the “NO” sentence.  The first thing my eyes landed upon were the bolded words “June and July 2014”.  So I was confused and went back up and actually read the letter.  Then I found what I was looking for:  “It is our pleasure to inform you that your application was selected for exhibit in the Library.  We have scheduled your exhibition for June and July 2014.”  What?  Wait, what????

I danced and floated into the next room to tell my mom (forever dubious about my aspirations), that I had been accepted.  Accepted.  What a nice word.
Anyway, does this mean I have arrived?  Um, no.  Is it super cool and a wonderful opportunity?  Hell to the yes!

I am very grateful for everything I have and everyone in my life.  Thank you to those who read and follow this blog.  Please visit me on Facebook if you haven’t already so we can inspire each other on the regular!
Have a great week and please, please…Follow your bliss!  Peace and blessings….

This is my only work in progress from this week.  I will mostly start posting finished works from now on.  This upcoming week is the last week of school.  Yay!!!