Where Spirit Leads, I Will Follow

Life is interesting right now as my artistic life gets off the ground.  Although I have always been a long-range planner, my decisions evolve as I gain more information.  Sometimes my plans change so radically, they bear no resemblance to what I started out with.  However, the process of planning is still important.

The problem with planning is that whenever you project into the future, you are dealing with a set of unknowns.  In algebra you have to narrow a problem down to one unknown and then solve for it.  In life there are many unknowns.

When I began to get close to graduating from El Camino I would imagine my life as an artist.  I figured I would get some sort of a day job, hopefully in the art field, but I didn’t really care what field it was in.  I figured I would continue to take evening classes and do my art at night and on weekends.  I didn’t know when or if any of that was going to happen.  But I trusted Spirit to guide and provide and just did the things I knew to do.  Well, a little over six weeks from the end of my final semester, and my life looks exactly as I hoped it would.  I have a full time day job and I do my art at night and on the weekends.  I plan to take painting classes at Otis and West L.A. College this fall.

Although I took classes in sculpture, ceramics, drawing, and painting, I have decided that my primary focus is painting.  I find myself expanding my mediums and have been working more with acrylics and gouache.  I am also exploring my literary past.  I graduated the first time with an English degree and did not do much writing after that except for the occasional poem and a TV pilot I wrote in a film class.  But lately I am feeling that old flame being rekindled.  I have always loved literature but never felt that confident about my writing.  Finally, I am ready to explore this avenue with a class or two this fall and see what comes of it. 

This rekindled love for literature, after studying art for two years, came as a surprise to me.  But life is exciting and never boring when you pay attention to your intuition and follow the leading of Spirit.  In looking at past journals, I see a recurring theme of wanting to write, of feeling an urge to create stories, but things happen when the timing is right.

So, if I were to give some tips on how to live an intuitive life filled with exciting twists and turns, I would say the following:

1)      Spend a good deal of time alone so that you can shut out the chatter, opinions, and agendas of other people (including the media) and get in touch with your authentic Self.

2)      Develop a meditation practice that encourages mental and spiritual strength, depth, and wisdom.  Meditation teaches you how to see things from an expanded perspective rather than getting sucked into the minutiae of the day-to-day.

3)      Read.   Read lots of different types of things – magazine, books, newspapers, blogs, etc.

4)      Watch.  Watch lots of different types of things – movies, plays, YouTube clips, live events, channels you don’t normally watch, etc.

5)      When you get an intuitive hit, do not argue with it, reason with it, or ignore it.  Spirit speaks softly whereas Ego shouts.  Spirit shows up where it is welcome, although it is always present.  Ego forces itself on you and commands attention.  You have to lean forward and incline your ear to hear Spirit, but it speaks clearly.  Ego manipulates your emotions and exploits your fears.  Spirit says things that feel right to the soul.  Ego says things that stir up the passions and cause anxiety and confusion. 

You don’t have to be “spiritual” to live intuitively.  Spirit, as I said, manifests where It is made welcome.  It is the “still small voice” within that wants only your highest good.  It is full of love and grace, not only for you, but for everyone. It uplifts, motivates, and is the energy behind the creative spirit.

May we all make Spirit welcome this week and follow Its Dear Voice to the path towards our highest good.  Peace and blessings.  Now go follow your bliss…

The Search For Love in a Patriarchal Society

There has been a persistent theme in my life over the last few weeks of analyzing romantic relationships and how I feel about them.  I just finished a wonderful book on the subject entitled Communion: The Female Search For Love by bell hooks.  Hooks is a feminist writer whom I had heard of but had never read any of her books.  The book was an excellent analysis of how patriarchy impacts romantic relationships.

Hooks’ basic premise is that enlightened women, especially feminists, who have been largely successful in fighting patriarchy in so many other areas, want romantic relationships that are deeply intimate and fulfilling.  At odds with this goal is the patriarchal tenet that says that real men are unemotional, closed, and unwilling to talk about their feelings.  This is a learned social behavior, not something innate in male babies.  Male babies cry for the same reasons female babies cry.  But, over time we learn our roles within the patriarchy; and these roles provide built-in conflict when it comes to relationships.

Happily, more and more men are embracing feminism, knowing that equality and decency towards one another is not merely a “woman’s issue”.  Every living human being has had a mother at some point, so women’s issues affect everyone.  In addition, the happiness and success of our daughters, sisters, friends, and coworkers affects the society as a whole, not just those individual women.

While hooks’ book title implies that the topic is romantic love, that is only part of it.  Love is love, and it shows up in many different forms.  Strong platonic friendships in addition to healthy family relationships, where they exist, are key to a sense of community and to one’s overall happiness and security.
What I took away from the book for myself is a confirmation of what I see going on in many romantic relationships and a rational explanation for why I have resisted them.  Within patriarchy, women are taught to find their fulfillment within the boundaries of a romantic relationship.  Men are taught that marriage is a trap and a burden that should be postponed for as long as possible.  Women are taught that being loved by a man is the highest form of validation and the key to a happy and successful life.  Men are taught to find their validation through work, that women are an accessory to their lives, and that a wife’s goals and aspirations should be secondary to the man’s career goals and to the happiness of the family.  Men are also taught that they should be superior to all women in all relevant aspects of life and that a woman’s beauty is a reflection upon his worth as a man.  This is why many men, especially those whose financial success makes them feel entitled, leave their marriages in pursuit of younger women once they reach a certain age.  A woman’s worth, under patriarchy, expires once her youthful good looks and innocence give way to wisdom and maturity.

Given this sad state of affairs between men and women, many women understandably try to navigate their happiness as best they can without directly challenging the system.  To challenge the system is to risk “being alone” – which is patriarchy’s ultimate punishment for lack of conformity.  Society has always taught women that the worst thing that could happen to them is to end up a “spinster” or “old maid” (notice that there are no male equivalents for these derogatory labels).  So women try to find love anyway, within the system, and often tolerate a lifetime of disrespect, uncertainty, and a lack of love.  Those who are luckier either find loving enlightened men or “benevolent patriarchs” with whom they are able to forge reasonably happy unions.

The whole topic is fascinating to me, but I am happy to be a spectator for now.  My goal is to fill my life with love of all kinds.  I love my children, my friends, my career in art, my God, and myself.  I find a great deal of fulfillment in just Being.  Ironically, self-love is the first step and represents the only real shot any of us has in finding romantic love.  But a general sense of happiness and fulfillment is what’s important and is what we are put on this earth to experience.

May this week be one of deep, profound love and connection with Reality and with each other.  Peace and blessings and, as always, please continue to follow your Bliss…

Why You Shouldn't Feel Bad If You're Single

I have been thinking a lot about coupledom lately for a few reasons.  For one, marriage equality has been at the top of the headlines lately.  Another reason is the approach of the 4^th of July.  I used to love to go out on that holiday but after having several years of very bad dates on that day, I have come to dread it.  The third reason relationships have been on my mind is the fact that I had an extensive conversation with a friend on the subject of love and relationships, which brought several issues to the forefront.

It made me think about the following questions: a) do I want to be in a relationship? (b) if so, what kind and with what type of person? And (c) what do I think about relationships in general?  These questions will keep me occupied for a while, but in the meantime I began to pay closer attention to the relationships of the people around me.  It is hard to judge the quality of people's relationships sometimes, especially from Facebook because people tend to only brag about the good stuff.  So, since I’m not in a relationship right now, I started thinking about all the reasons why I am happy to be single:

1)      I can move wherever I want (out of state, out of the country, etc) without anyone’s permission or approval.
2)      Money never “disappears”; if I haven’t spent it, it’s still there in the bank.
3)      When I am tired and not “in the mood”, I just go to sleep.  I don't have to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings or getting cheated on.   I don't  have to force myself to go through the motions in order to avoid an argument. (and when I am in the mood, it's 100% satisfaction every time).
4)      I can wear whatever I want.
5)      I can cut my hair off or leave it long – it’s totally up to me.
6)      When I am in church services I get to pay attention, focus, and absorb the total experience without distraction.
7)      I don’t have to dumb myself down or fake incompetence in order to preserve someone else’s ego.
8)      I don’t have to limit my dreams to accommodate someone else’s expectations of me.
9)      I can flirt just for fun without guilt or repercussions.
10)  I can still entertain silly, romantic notions about “the one” because I haven’t met him yet.

From a man's perspective:
1) Getting to keep all your money and not waste it on dates that go nowhere.
2) Not feeling like you have to earn a certain amount of money to keep up with someone's expectations or spending habits.
3) Not having to justify going out with your friends on a weekday or for a long weekend.
4) Being able to leave when you're ready to go instead of waiting around for someone else.
5) Not having to feel guilty for so much of what you say, do, and think
6) No pressure to outline the future in detail.
7) Sexual variety
8) Focusing on things that are deeply important to you: work, spirituality, school, etc., without being made to feel guilty
9) Watching movies and television without interruption
10) Getting to entertain silly, romantic notions about "the one" because you haven't met her yet.

This is not to disparage anyone who is in a relationship.  I hope all my readers have happy, fulfilling relationships that bring you many years of joy.  However, with our culture’s emphasis on romantic love, this is a reminder that it’s not always what it’s cracked up to be.

Whether you’re married or single or something in between, ultimately you are a unique expression of the Divine.  Your first allegiance should be to the evolution of your own soul - and being a blessing to everyone around you.  Then you will know true Joy, regardless of your relationship status.

And don’t forget to follow your bliss!  Peace and love.

Maintaining Creativity - Post Art School

When I first began art school two years ago, I had so many trepidations.  I didn’t know if, as an older learner, I would  have trouble learning something so totally different from what I had done before.  I didn’t know if I would measure up to my classmates, especially those who had done art their whole lives.  And I had no idea what to expect.

Now that it’s over, I am navigating post art-school life as a civilian. I feel that I’m in the intermediate stage as an artist.  I am no longer a beginner but I am not yet advanced.  My sketch-book work lately is a lot more focused on shoring up my weaknesses.  I’ve been focusing on portraits – various head angles, ears, noses, etc.  And I start a new job on Monday, an office (day) job to support my art, which was an important first step for my post-art-school-life.

So, life after art school is looking pretty much like I expected it to look.  I’m interning in a gallery, practicing and improving my art, and working a day job.  But I had been starting to feel as if I was going through the motions. I wasn’t feeling particularly inspired by anything and I couldn’t figure out what I wanted my next body of work to focus on.  I was feeling blocked.  Then I remembered Julia Cameron.

Julia Cameron is the author of The Artist’s Way, and many other books on the subject of "recovering" as an artist, rediscovering one's latent creativity.  This book was absolutely indispensable to me when I first started art school.  Julia helped me weather critiques and develop art that came from my soul, rather than art that was designed to please professors or impress classmates.  I consider her my first art teacher, and I will always read and re-read that book for the rest of my life.

Julia’s two main recommendations are to write “morning pages” and to take yourself out on “artist’s dates”.  Morning pages are 3 pages that are written in the morning, kind of like a journal, to download your thoughts and clear your mind.  You can write about anything and everything, whatever comes to mind.  You don’t worry about what it sounds like, grammar, etc. and it is unnecessary to even read them over.  The artist’s dates are solo trips designed to inspire.  These dates are important and should be scheduled once a week.  You can do anything you think might spark your sense of play, and stoke the creative fire within.  I have done things like go to the toy store, buy stickers and markers and scribble like a child, go to a museum, etc.

This afternoon my artist date was a trip to the craft store.  Fine artists sometimes turn their little noses up at “crafts”, but this is silly.  When we were children, everything was a potential art project – coloring books, walls, empty boxes; everything was a potential canvas.  Children are fearless, innovative, and bold.  They don’t get creative blocks.  If no one is around, they create tea parties with their stuffed animals, build towering forts out of newspapers, and slay dragons that only they can see.  These are the true artists.

As adults, we have to make an effort to maintain that spirit.  It is very possible, but it requires us to silence our inner critic and embrace our inner child.  Our creativity is like a secret hidden lake that only we know about.  If we don’t take care of this secret lake, it’ll get grown over and disappear.  But if we take care of it and use it regularly, we get to play in it for the rest of our lives.

So my advice to all artists is to never grow up.  Yes, pay your bills.  Yes, be responsible.  Yes, be an adult – but don’t ever grow up.  Don’t try to makes sense of everything that happens.  Don’t try to do everything perfectly.  Don’t plan so extensively that you never actually do anything.  And, most importantly…
Follow your bliss!  Always.

If you haven't done so yet, please join me on Facebook.  Below is my latest work in progress - in the very beginning stages.  It will eventually be an abstract sculpture made out of random materials around the house.  I hope to finish it within a week or two...

Searching For My Niche in the Art World

Last week I finished 2 years at El Camino College and now have an Associate's degree in Studio Art.  So this week has been all about finding my place in the art world.     The question is - now what?

Well, a couple of weeks ago I volunteered for the Redondo Beach Art Group and this past week I volunteered at Torrance Art Museum.  The opening for the current exhibition - Baker’s Dozen V: Marginal Revolutions - was last night.  It was a very liberal exhibition in a pretty conservative area.

In one piece, the artist mixed and matched photos from Abu Ghraib with other artistic elements and turned them into beautiful digital art pieces.  You could still detect a whiff of the suffering of the detainees, though - which was both disturbing and very well done.  Another piece compiled digital photos depicting the effects of globalization.  As part of that display, the artist put together a book of survey results where responders briefly stated what globalization meant for them - good or bad.  Another piece, one of my favorites, was a 7-man seesaw with Margarita mix dispensed from the center.  My absolute favorite was a painting depicting two world maps – one "left-wing" and the other "right-wing".  The “Right” map had the USA in the center, which was hilarious.  All over the continents and states were written words from the right-wing perspective. For instance, on California were written things like “liberals” and “Hollywood Jews”.  Other states fared much worse.  The "Left" world had references to global warming , “too many guns”, and Yoga written over certain states.  The piece was very inflammatory, funny, and outstanding.

But it was clear that not everyone agreed.  As a counter-balance to all this lovely lefty artsy stuff was the exhibit I helped set up.  The artist had this wonderful idea to create an interactive space where people could show up and discuss different aspects of the Constitution.  She gave out free copies of the Constitution and buttons with the words “Patriot” on them.  To kick it off, a chorale came in and sang some good old American hymns like the Star Spangled Banner and The Battle Hymn of the Republic, among other things.  They did a great job.  Some people were into it; others were not.

Which brings me to my dilemma:  where do I fit in, in this crazy art world?  I am a strong lefty but not a radical.  I am politically progressive but I live in a fairly conservative neighborhood.  I prefer provocative, inflammatory, thought-provoking art, but conservatives tend to like safe, beautiful representational art (which I can do, but it doesn’t thrill me).

There is also the issue of race.  The South Bay is largely white and conservative.  To make my point, I must share a funny story from the opening.  At one point I wanted to read the little writing on the Left World vs. Right World paintings but 2 older ladies (not friends, just 2 different attendees) were standing in front of the Right World section reading it.  I waited and waited for one or both of them to finish so I could get a look at it.  Finally I could wait no longer. I strongly suspected that if I walked up to the painting, they would feel “uncomfortable” and leave.  Sure enough, the minute I walked up, both of them and several other people left.  Suddenly I was alone, in front of the painting, able to read it in peace.  Although I found it amusing, it is also sad that people are so pathetic and predictable, but racism is like that.  It makes people act in silly ways that are, frankly, beneath them.

Anyway, bigoted people aside, the real question is where do I WANT to fit in?  I will probably always be a bleeding-heart liberal.    I might not always ride a motorcycle but I will probably always be optimistic, inappropriate, and longing for the next adventure.  I have never had a conventional life and I don’t want one.
So where does that leave me?  The jury is still out since it has only been a week.  But my guess is that my market is in the city of Los Angeles, not its outskirts.  The only problem is that that is where the stiffest competition lies.  But, bring it on, baby!  I have never run from a challenge so why start now?  The process of finding my niche is proving to be almost as interesting as doing the work itself!

May we all find “our people” and the place where we can best plant ourselves and bloom.  Have a wonderful week and, as always…

Follow your bliss…

16"X14" charcoal and graphite on paper

Last Week of Art School

This past week was my final one at El Camino College.  It was a life-changing experience for which I am so grateful.  I sacrificed a great deal in order to complete my studio art degree – namely living on a couch in my mother and uncle’s apartment and enduring an untold number of challenges
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Nevertheless, I am proud of the artist I have become.  I started with almost no skills and grew to the point where I was accepted into more than one bachelor’s degree program.  However, I decided not to pursue a third bachelor’s.  I am content with my existing Bachelor’s degrees in English lit and Metaphysics, and my Associates degree in Studio Art.  I look forward to increasing and integrating my skill sets through continued classes, workshops, and practice.  And I look forward to continuing to grow as an individual.  My ultimate goal is to live a life of deep meaning and impact – to be a beneficial presence on the planet in every sense of that word.

I am grateful for all of you readers who are taking this journey with me.  I hope you’ll hold me accountable to my highest aspirations, ask me questions if you like, and make a difference in your own communities.
And most importantly – follow your bliss!

Following is a video of my oldest son performing in his school’s talent show,  and below that is my work from the final week of school.  Peace and blessings!

YouTube Video

The First Time

The first time I felt “black” was in kindergarten when I noticed that the children with white skin were treated better than the children with darker skin.  The first time I felt like a woman was in high school when a classmate told me I had a nice body.  The first time I felt like an adult was when I wrote my first check in college.  The first time I felt like a mother was in the delivery room when I first fed my little one.  I looked into his eyes and knew I was needed on the planet.  And the first time I felt like an artist was Wednesday night when I received a letter accepting my application to exhibit in the Schauerman library on the El Camino College campus.

This was the first time I had ever been accepted to show my work without having any kind of “in”.  While technically my first exhibition was in the student show, where I had one piece shown, “The Unborn”, that was a teacher-recommended show.  The applicant pool for the Library, on the other hand, was open to any artist (students, faculty, and community) and I had no connection to the decision-maker.  I just submitted my materials and, quite frankly, expected a rejection letter.

In fact, when I started reading the letter, it began with such formal language: “Thank you for submitting your application…”, that I just skimmed it, looking for the “NO” sentence.  The first thing my eyes landed upon were the bolded words “June and July 2014”.  So I was confused and went back up and actually read the letter.  Then I found what I was looking for:  “It is our pleasure to inform you that your application was selected for exhibit in the Library.  We have scheduled your exhibition for June and July 2014.”  What?  Wait, what????

I danced and floated into the next room to tell my mom (forever dubious about my aspirations), that I had been accepted.  Accepted.  What a nice word.
Anyway, does this mean I have arrived?  Um, no.  Is it super cool and a wonderful opportunity?  Hell to the yes!

I am very grateful for everything I have and everyone in my life.  Thank you to those who read and follow this blog.  Please visit me on Facebook if you haven’t already so we can inspire each other on the regular!
Have a great week and please, please…Follow your bliss!  Peace and blessings….

This is my only work in progress from this week.  I will mostly start posting finished works from now on.  This upcoming week is the last week of school.  Yay!!!